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May 23, 2018

The Magic Mullah Money Orb

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA (AP) — In a stunning show of transparency yesterday, members of the press pool were permitted a photo-op depicting Donald Trump, Saudi King Salam and Egyptian President el-Sisi groping the Magic Mullah Money Orb. The ancient artifact is all that remains of Aladdin’s lamp, though its exact provenance remains hotly contested by historians.

Since the end of WW2, the Orb, code-named M3O, has been under conjoint Saudi-US management, first with Bechtel Oil, then the Carlyle Group and most recently Halliburton-Blackwater. As a holy object, few outside the Saudi royals are permitted the ceremonial groping, and only five U.S. citizens have caressed the Orb; Presidents Nixon, Reagan and George H.W. Bush, Vice-President Dick Cheney and financier Bernard Madoff. Donald Trump now sits atop that list of Orb-gropers.

The Orb is also the center of Saudi Arabia’s most popular annual lottery. Once per year, the poorest boys under age 12 are issued tickets, and the winner is permitted a momentary grope, provided he turns his immediate family in to authorities for police tactical study and oil industry experimentation. Known as Aladdin’s Farewell, the arrest and remand ceremony prior to the groping is said to be one of the most moving of all Saudi rituals.

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Bill Urich

Bill Urich

managing attorney at urich law office pllc
A tail-end baby-boomer, Bill Urich was born in Cleveland to a grade school teacher and her Navy vet husband, and reared in Greater Detroit. Working his way through school primarily at night, Mr. Urich holds a Bachelor’s in Journalism, Phi Beta Kappa, and a Juris Doctorate from Wayne State University. In his legal career he has acted as an assistant state prosecutor, city attorney, special prosecutor, mediator, magistrate, private practitioner and mayor of Royal Oak, the seventh-largest city in Michigan. Mr. Urich continues in private practice, is on faculty to DePaul University and remains active in selected campaigns and causes related to labor, social and criminal justice. A father of three mostly-grown sons, he spends his precious free time on family, friends, the pursuit of happiness, beauty and truth, three rescue cats and fronting the rock band Calcutta Rugs from behind the drum kit.



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